Chai...

HELL ... !!!

I usually delete forwarded messages, but just read this one sent to my husband from his brother and it is simply hilarious.. couldn't help but share.. enjoy!



The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn't ceased..

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as
they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

This student received the only A.

Reality Bites!

I closed my eyes and tapped my ruby slippers “there’s no place like home” and when I opened my eyes I was still here.

Hmm...What should I do next???

New Address…New School and the New School Bus!!!

We moved to this apartment on the 13th and I still have a few boxes to open....I cant tell what is in those boxes right now...nothing that important I guess....one thing that I need and still cant find is the alarm clock! So since so many days I wake up with the alarm on my cell which is so loud that I just feel like throwing it away when it starts and then it goes on a snooze and beeps after every five minutes. Khair, have to open the boxes tomorrow for sure.

As I said earlier it’s been about 14 days that we moved here...we already had some guests on the weekend. There were some friends who came from Austin who are planning to move to college station (don’t know why they want to leave such a nice place for this stupid one). The other guest was my daughter’s best friend from old school whom she misses a lot.

I forgot to mention that Hadia had to change school when we moved to this apartment, something that came as a surprise as our zip code remained the same. Her school revealed that College Station ISD did rezoning last year. Anyway, when we found out that she'd have to change schools I guess I was more disturbed then she herself. She had mixed feelings of excitement and confusion. So we picked her up from her previous school on the 17th and got her transfer letter and went to the new school. We met the new school principal, school nurse and also the new class teacher, who seemed very nice. We also took a round of the school. And I am so glad that she found some of her old friends who were with her in the old school last year. We got the bus information and came back home. She could not sleep the whole night due to anxiety and excitement, neither could I, (my husband still can’t understand why I was so concerned… to him it is a normal thing which doesn’t merit loss of sleep!!!).

Anyways we went out the bus and because it was the first day I was more particular and took her to the bus stop 10 minutes earlier than usual. It was pretty cold and we waited and waited and waited…. there was no sign of the bus anywhere! After about 30 – 40 minutes we came back inside and I asked Hassan to go drop her and talk to the transport office. He talked to them and told me that they were not informed about it. How could it be the office secretary had called them and informed them while we were there for the admission, plus she gave us all the numbers and stuff which they usually give to the parents. Anyway, I was pretty restless all day and kept waiting for the clock to turn 3. I went out side around 3:20. Waited and waited and finally saw the bus coming around 3:45 pm and it stopped on about 5-6 minutes walk from our apartment block. I thought it must be some other kids that they r dropping there but wait a minute it was Hadia who got off the bus she crossed the street and went towards the apartments. I called her but she did not see me and she was too far away to hear me calling her.…..my heart just stopped for a minute I tried to call her again but she was too far away. So I started running towards her I was holding my 3 year old whose total attention was focused on getting out of my grip and be in the middle of the busy road. But I asked her call Hadia’s name loud so she could hear us and did not panic because of not finding the apartment or me. I could not see her as she had gone in side the apartments where she was dropped. I kept running and amani kept calling her when finally I heard her crying and I saw her looking at the apartment doors to find our apartment. By now my legs were shaking badly but I tried to keep calm because I know if I lose my cool then Hadia just won’t go to the school ever again. So I just tried to talk to her and told her that it was the first day and there might have been some misunderstanding. When we got back home Hassan had already called school. He had seen me running and came out to see what had happened. So he gave them a piece of his mind and they apologized. I hope it never happens again. It was too irresponsible of them to behave like this. Now it’s been a week that she is going to this school. She likes her new teacher and is making new friends too. She now also knows the new address and phone number by heart. I have told her to remember that we live right opposite to the McDonalds!

My little one turned 3

Amani turned three on the 22nd. I made a cake and Hadia did the icing. Hassan grilled some bihari kebabs and we had a small birthday party for ourselves. Will have another party with some friends at our place on the weekend

Dumb Laws

Alabama
Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.

Alaska
While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.

It is the state policy that emergencies are held to a minimum and are rarely found to exist.-Sec. 44.62.270. State policy.

Arizona
You may not have more than two dildos in a house.

Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.

When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person possesses.

A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.

Arkansas
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.

Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.

California
No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.

Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine.

You cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.

It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear.

Colorado
It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver, Colorado.

It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.

Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a taillight.

Connecticut
It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.

It is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25mph, even when going to a fire.
You aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands. You may not educate dogs. It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.

Delaware
It is illegal to wear pants that are "firm fitting" around the waist.

Florida
It is considered an offense to shower naked.

Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.

Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

Georgia
Cars are not to drive on sidewalks.

It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road.

Maryland
It's illegal to take a lion to the movies.

Massachusetts
No one may take a bath without a prescription in Boston.

Minnesota
All bathtubs must have feet.

It is illegal to sleep naked.

Nevada
An ordinance makes bringing a concealable fire arm into the county illegal unless it is registered with the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department. In order to register a handgun, however, it must be brought in to the police station. Furthermore, you may not register a gun on the weekends, but the police may prosecute you at that time.

New Hampshire
On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up

New Mexico
State officials ordered 400 words of "sexually explicit material" to be cut from Romeo and Juliet.

New York
The penalty for jumping off a building is death.

It is illegal for a father to call his son a "faggot" or "queer" in an effort to curb "girlie behavior."

North Carolina
All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart. Making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden.

If a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married.

Ohio
It is illegal to get a fish drunk.

Women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes, lest men see reflections of their underwear.

It's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.

Oregon
You may not pump your own gas in service stations.

Tennessee
Driving is not to be done while asleep.

Texas
When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.

Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.

Utah
It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon. You can have them, but you just can't detonate them.

Virginia
It is illegal to tickle women.

Washington
Men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to five years in jail.

West Virginia
It is legal to beat your wife so long as it is done in public on Sunday, on the courthouse steps.

Wisconsin
It is illegal to kiss on a train.

No male is allowed to be in a state of arousal in public.

Wyoming
Citizens may not take showers on Wednesdays.


For More Dumb Laws see: dumb laws

Eid Mubarik

Wish you all a very Happy Eid.

New Camera

Our new camera will arrive tomorrow. We sold the 3MP one on ebay last month and got a new canon powershot A610 5MP. Wanted to get 7MP but it was way too expensive for us. My photography will resume from tomorrow and I can't wait to take pictures of my kids again. I feel like I have missed a lot in this one month without the camera.

Christmas, New Year, Eid and Moving yet Again...

On Christmas day we went to a fabulous BBQ in a park arranged by our friends in Austin. It was probably the best we have had since we came to the US great Seekh and Bihari Kababs and Chicken Tika. The kids enjoyed a lot too because the park was really good and they could play all the time. The only downside for me was that in an effort to feed the ducks in the adjacent pond my younger one as usual went knee deep into mud. So she had to be changed and washed right on the spot.

Last couple of weeks I have been busy packing. Just counting, ever since we came to the US i.e. 2002 we have moved a total of 7 times, this would be the 8th ! In Urdu there is a proverb called “ paon main chakar hona” roughly translated it means those who can’t sit still. I think that this is meant for us. If we don’t decide to move, the house decides to move on us! For instance when we moved to the University Housing last December we were sure to stay here till the degree is finished but then after 8 months the university decided to demolish only that section of the university housing in which we had just moved. So we had the option to either move to a smaller university owned apartment or find one in the local market. But small is an understatement for this apartment, it was a one bed room in which they converted the single bedroom into two! All said we are actually excited about the new apartment because of all the space we will have and also because we would be able to grill (BBQ) there and also get Desi channels!

What else… yeah my kids got their new Eid clothes from Pakistan. My mom is a little busy these days so she just got the suits stitched for the kids and sent some Gota. I have done a great job with the Gota on one of the suits (pictures forthcoming). I am thinking of putting some sequins too on the other suit and will go to hobby lobby tomorrow to get some matching sequins. That is if my husband ever gets up before hobby lobby closes ( he has vampire hours!) I hope and pray that this eid goes fine. Last one was very depressing for us all as my sister in law died right around that time in child birth and her baby girl also died after 3 weeks. So we did not do anything then but i did take the kids for eid namaz. I did not feel like going there too but I did because of the kids. They were happy to get eid gifts from the masjid. We dont have anything planned for this eid yet. Eid is probably on the 10th and we will be moving out of this apartment on the 13th.

The Possible of the Imagined

Finding time to post everyday is not always a possibility so I asked my husband to post things on this blog too. Here is the first post from him, a poem by Noon Meem Rashid. Posting in Urdu is not that simple and this is not the best translation of this fascinating poem, but it should do. If you can read and understand Urdu, you will find Noon Meem, one of the most revolutionary and thought provoking writers the world ever produced. Enjoy and comment.


The Blind Hawker
(By Noon Meem Rashid translated by Hamid Rahim Sheikh)


Scattered all over the city are
worn out and disfigured dreams
of which the city dwellers are oblivious!
I roam around the city day and night
to collect them
Heat them in the furnace of my heart
so that the old rust on them comes off
Their limbs come out nice and clean
Their lips, cheeks and heads start shimmering
Like the desires of freshly dressed bridegrooms.
So that once again these dreams may find a direction!

"Dreams for sale, dreams ..."
As the morning dawns I go calling out in the streets....
"Are these dreams real or fake?"
They check them out as if there isn't anyone more
adept at judging them!

A dream maker I'm not either
just a face-lifter....
But yes dreams are the source of my livelihood!

Evening settles in
and I call out again....
"Free everyone, free, these dreams of gold..."
Hearing "free", people get even more frightened
and slip away lip-tightened...
"Well he says they are 'free'
could it be a sham?
Some hidden deception?
They may break on reaching home
or just melt away, these dreams?
Disappear with a pop somehow
or cast upon us some spell, these dreams?
No sir, of what use could they be?
dreams of this hawker?
dreams of this blind junk hawker? "

Night sets in
carrying heaps of dreams over my head
disappointed I reach home
Mumble all night again
"Take these dreams...
and take from me their price as well
Take these dreams, dreams...
my dreams ...
dreams .... my dreams ....
dr..ee..eaams ...
their pr...iii...ceee as welllll....."

New Year Resolution

1. Lose weight.
2. Lose weight.
3. Lose weight.
4. Lose weight.
5. Lose weight.
6. Lose weight.
7. Lose weight.
8. Lose weight.
9. Lose weight.
10. Lose weight.

Yet Another Candle

I turned 34 on the 22nd. Last year on my birthday we were moving and my older daughter was sick. She had some kind of food poisoning after eating from a desi restaurant in Houston. This year it’s me and my husband who are sick. We did not do much on the birthday, had the cake with evening tea and went out for dinner. I got beautiful gifts from my husband and daughters. My little one is turning 3 in January and I am planning to have a big party for her InshaAllah .

Baba Fain?

My dad sent this song to my little one yesterday. It is so cute and funny too i.e. if you can understand Arabic (I am sure you enjoy it no matter what language you speak). My daughter was picking up the words quickly and I was telling her what this song means and in the end she said "Ama ye baba fain nahi hea ye Nana fain hea"
Baba fain? means "where is your Dad?" For those who dont know Arabic this song is about an uncle calling and the kids making him go crazy....just like my kids sometimes do when their khalas (my sisters) call. Check out the song by clicking the link below.
Baba Fain?

Something unexpected...

Yes! It got real cold in College Station. We had freezing rain for the first time since we came here. Since it is never really cold here and in any case even if it is then never for so long, we don't have heavy clothing. My elder daughter did not have a proper jacket...the one she had was bought when she was in first grade (she is in 3rd now) and I think she only wore it once. Not only because she hates to wear heavy jackets but also because there was never any need for it. But as the temperature was in the 20's we had to go get a new jacket for her and guess what? There was not a single jacket her size, to be found in College Station. So we got her a new fleece shirt and made her wear so many layers. I was hoping that it'd snow and we go out to make snow angels...but it did not...hopefully it will next yr.... or maybe later this winter season ..

A few drawings by a little artist

A baloon with a face


Me


A cat or maybe a bunny


Me


Me again



These are a few drawings by my little one. She started holding a pencil when she was only 8 months old and could make perfect circles.

My eldest also started to draw at the same age. She drew a detailed portrait of her dad when she was only a year and a half old. I will post some of her recent works soon.

A Word To Husbands

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.

by Ogden Nash

Untitled

MASALA TURKEY

We went to a Desi (South Asian) turkey eating in Houston on Thursday. This event was at my husband’s friends place (an old friend from Lahore) in League City TX, near Galveston. They have an 18 month old son. Another old friend came from Dallas (also from Lahore…college friend). This couple have a daughter almost Amani's (my younger daughter) age. Hadia, my eldest, played the role of baji and baby sitter. I am so glad she did and enjoyed it as well. I was worried that she’d be bored and won't let me enjoy either. I had asked her to pack a few books to read i.e. in case if she got bored but shuker hea she enjoyed a lot.

The menu was a bit weird though. Turkey, stuffing, baked potatoes etc, BBQ chicken, chappal kebabs and chicken karhai. I still don’t understand what were they thinking when they planned this menu. It was a potluck sort of thing...in such a way that everyone had to cook something (not brining a dish but cooking it there) I just made a Baseesa (corn meal cake) at home instead of making it there. My husband helped them grill the chicken tikkas. Another friend from Houston who did not bring his American wife with him (don’t know why) cooked chicken karhai or maybe he brought it cooked. The friend from Dallas made chappal kebabs. When the food was served I just could not make up my mind what to eat first. There was so much to eat and then the thought struck me that everything at the table was cooked by a bunch of men...wondering if they had washed their hands before cooking I tried my best to eat a little of everything at the table. The chappal kebabs were the best and of course my cake :) This is all about the food.

We all stayed up till late at night. It was very difficult to put the kids to bed especially my little one and the daughter of the friends from Dallas. They were dancing all the time pretending to be the princesses. I am so glad that they made good friends and played together all the time. Finally, after much talking and pushing and bribing I succeeded to put them to bed around 12 but they slept around 1 am. The dads stayed up all night. They went out around 3 AM to check out the thanksgiving sales…came back when they saw a huge number of people sitting outside all the stores...some were grilling and enjoying themselves sitting there all night for the store to open at 6 am so they could be the first ones to get something from the very limited number of items. I would never go and sit all night even if they gave me things for free.

The next day we decided to take the kids to zoo but there were chances of rain so we went to Chucky Cheeses instead. The kids enjoyed a lot and I enjoyed even more. From there went to a Middle Eastern grocery store plus Deli. Had some great chicken shewarmas and lamb shanks, did some grocery and said good bye to each other. When we got back home we found that one of our fish had died ... poor fish this one was the most active one...the remaining two, which survive from the original six, seem so quiet and slow or maybe they are still in mourning. Or maybe they know their time is near too…Huh! Huh!

Fall Leaf