Monday, February 05, 2007

Positive Parenting




I had a very interesting exchange of comments with some 'jammie' and you can see it here . I wanted to share it with all of you and see what you people have to say about it. I usually avoid political discussions and I created this blog to share my photographs, paintings and some interesting episodes from my day to day life. However I am interested in knowing your views on the limits of parenting. My own views are clear on this topic from the comments on that post.

11 comments:

Marigold said...

Salaam..
I enjoyed the comments very much. Way to go for standing up for your country. She's so proud of you, I'm sure.
You know what? Ever since I've moved to America, I've been so unhappy. I've tried so hard to convince myself that this is my home now but my loyal heart won't allow it. I feel that if I accept this as my home then what of the blood that my ancestors put into Pakistan's soil? Who did they die for? Who did they abandon their wealth and possessions for? Pakistan needs people like you and me.. People who love it no matter what and want to make a difference. I love America, it's a wonderful country with wonderful people who have only ever been kind with me but home..is home :)

Marigold said...

And for those of you who will inevitably feel the compulsion to say, "Go back then!" I'll reply in advance.. I AM going soon, inshaAllah.. soon.

Anonymous said...

Marigold,

What do you have to say about this

As for feeding families, I believe that every child who comes into this world brings her “Rizq” with her and no matter how hard we try we can’t increase what is preordained.

In my view this thinking implies we let the poor die as how hard we try we couldn't change their fate by introducing better economic world for them.

BTW, I was pissed about the Rishwat culture which prevails in Islamabad and both Army and Civil Servants are equally corrupt. They remove previous governments on corruption charges later started doing the same. I never bring in other country in the context but Que sera did so with all the evils which western society has (as some claim) she and I are here by choice as we always can be somewhere else. Furthermore one thing is called accountability which is unheard in Pakistan now days. Of course people who live in upper class wants to go back as where else one can find luxury of affording human slaves at inhumane pay scales. Until we can’t change I’m not going to sing praise of any government.

You both are confusing nation which is comprised of all poor and rich with corrupt rulers.

Jammie

que sera sera said...

Jammie: Give me an alternate to the phrase that you have quoted from my post above.

que sera sera said...

Marigold: Thanks for your comments and thanks for dropping by...keep visiting ;)

mystic-soul said...

I read both side of views and I am myself lived in both part of the world. I think, both worlds have their own good and bad aspects.

West has more human rights, law and order and land of oppotunity but it is marked with high degree of individualism and more tilt towards materialism where success is measured by profession, model of car and level of suburb you live.

East has corruption, violation of human rights, upper class ruling and jungle law but at normal daily living level, people are more bonded in relationship. There is more care of each other, more respect for elders and with my frequent visits and talking to people there, I found them relatively more content and happy despite less material success.

As far as 'rizq' for each individual is concerned, its true but we are responsible to strive our best. Naturally, there is no end to "best" but trying our best is the key. But on the other note, pushing kids to do something which is not calling of their heart, just because it is a money making profession is not fair. To be practical, prepare them to have an independent livelihood but encourage to keep alive their calling of heart and this is the hardest part being a parent.

I am afraid, there is no perfect answer.

Anonymous said...

But on the other note, pushing kids to do something which is not calling of their heart, just because it is a money making profession is not fair.

Indeed, very true. I'll give my kid a chance if he'll excel in Art tahn I'll let him continue ;).

But the thing about "Rizq" is kinda confusing for the East as so many kids go to bed hungry. I've seen families back home who aren't allowed by their elders or religious leaders to use contraceptives to limit the number of children by scolding them that they are interfering with God. If one have oil well in the backyard than it maybe true for them but most of Pakistanis are not that fortunate. Both parents (and sometimes kids too) had to work just to put food on the table. They never see the door of school or play with a toy. While in the west almost all the kids are taken care by some program if their parents aren't able to take care of them and I’ve seen many Pakistani families in Europe, USA and Canada who utilize free schooling and some kind of welfare program to benefit their kids.

Jammie

mystic-soul said...

To believe that each individual brings his own share of 'rizq' in this world, is a matter of "belief". Man and wowamn have freedom any number of kids. If parents have less money, its very ethical and rather preferable to avoid extra kids. Keep producing kids on the expense of belief of Rizq is stupidity. What it means that you try to make best for your kids and leave rest in the hands of God. I think, its a manipulation of belief to have pregnancy every year and saying god will bring milk.

que sera sera said...

jammie: When I said that the rizq is preordained, it does not mean that people should keep producing children. But yes, who ever comes in this world bring his/her rizq. That is what I believe and it shouldn’t be very difficult for you to understand as it is the right opposite of what you seem to believe; so the conceptual mechanism is the same. Besides I am still waiting for your alternate to this belief. Do you think it is you who provides for your children? You also talk about kids going to bed hungry in the East and you seem to believe that all kids in the US or the west are always well fed, in other words, you think of it as a general rule. For your information there are hungry, poor and homeless in the west as well, so it can’t be a general rule as such! That there are fewer such people in the west, I agree, which is in fact more shameful and further support for my argument that despite all the money there are people in the west who have limited rizq. You have also constantly made references to the fact that I belong to the elite in Pakistan like yourself. As a matter of fact I belong to the middle class and we have always had to work hard to get what we have and which isn’t much other than education. Final in terms of positive parenting, you say that if your child does well in art you might let him continue! That to me is an interesting concept and really hard to understand as well. If you think that acquiring certain skills would be useful then you go and do it yourself why force it on your child. Feeding a family is your job and your child when he or she grows up will make that decision himself or herself. What profession is interesting or useful or beneficial should be your child’s decision not yours.. As a parent your, or at least my job as I said earlier, is to provide support emotional as well as financial, for what attracts my child. If the child doesn’t do well in her chosen field then that is also a part of growing up and being an adult she has to understand what mistakes she made and how to rectify them. My support for her will always be there but once children become adults they must behave as one and you must treat them as one too.

que sera sera said...

Mystic: I agree with you, to have more kids or few is a matter of human free will and also common sense. But my point is that even if you were well to do and just had one kid the Rizq is still preordained. I hope this clarifies what I mean. Besides, it is not just a question of limited resources it is also a function of scarcity of time and other quality of life issues, for instance having more kids could mean not being able to give proper attention to all the children one has. But, for the record, I am not advocating several kids and neither am I condemning those who have, as I am nobody to comment on how many kids one should have.

mystic-soul said...

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